The Camera Lens & My Foray into Hip Hop
If something I do not want is free, I will consider it. I would still have my iPhone 7 if I hadn’t broken the screen, I don’t even know the number I was on previously, but AT&T kept on advertising my free upgrade since I’d gone almost a decade without one and they sold me on the cinematic option for videos.
They promised it would be painless. I picked up the iPhone 15 and the “free” phone came out to probably 15% of the total cost of the phone out the door. Everyone tells me it’s a deal, but I know these phones cost $5 to make and it kills me that I came out the pocket for one.
My disdain for the mark-up lasted as long as it took me to see the quality of the cinematic video. This might be a good thing. The next day I sync the phone to my car radio while enjoying an iced tea and the world fell apart. The phone locked on me. My passcode wouldn’t work and it didn’t want face ID because it was trying to connect to my car. With the phone on emergency mode, I couldn’t interact with Google to solve it.
I had to return to the AT&T store I didn’t want to go to the first time. They informed me that the only way to fix it would be to hook it up to my laptop. My beautiful laptop isn’t upgraded to be compatible with the iPhone 15 plug-in, I would have to go into the Apple store, in a mall, on a Saturday afternoon. This is my Dante’s inferno.
I gave up the minute I walked in. The first staff member asked me a few questions to confirm it was my account. I wanted it to be over so bad I started with my birth chart and blood type before making my way down the list. Obviously too much information, but they were able to locate my account. I was doomed. With two factor authentication turned on and my inability to access that number, I was looking at a factory reset on a ten-year-old account. The ramifications of that were too much for me to process so when he told me that it would be a twenty-minute wait for it to be over, I simply sprawled out on the geek squad table and tried to forget I was there.
I love Apple products. I use them for the TV, laptop, phone. As much as I love them, I have never wanted to sit on a couch in an Apple store to wait half an hour for a staff member to then show me a demo of a product I knew I wanted to buy before I walked in. Just ring me up for the ridiculous item I’m buying on an emotional impulse. The faster I walk out of here, the less time I have to change my mind.
The tech was nice and let me know when my phone was ready. I waded through a sea of humanity and got to the parking garage.
The attendant told me it would be $20.
“I was gone less than two hours, wouldn’t that be $6?” I hated sounding like I was haggling.
“It’s $20,” she said plainly. There was no explanation or acknowledgment of my question. “I’ll get your car.”
“No, it’s ok. I can walk to it, it’s right there.” I pointed to my vehicle a few feet away.
“It’s fine, I’m valet, it’s what we do.” She smiled and grabbed my car.
In my haste to get into the Apple Store, I didn’t realize I’d pulled into valet. I assumed the parking attendant had seen my stress and parked my car because they were being nice. It didn’t even strike me as odd that I had left my car keys with the parking attendant on my way inside. When it’s time to go, I just go. Everything else will sort itself out.
I spent Sunday thinking about how I wanted my new phone to look. I had zero content from the past to work with. Not even a great Mediterranean meal could lift my spirits. Andy Garcia serenading my coffee and slice of cheesecake was gone. On a Sunday night, I was locked out of most of my accounts due to duo authentication. I had to wait until Monday morning. I don’t do well on Monday mornings and so boredom set in while I watched Constellation with my free Apple TV subscription for three months.
Hip Hop Career
I have a great camera, I wanted to shoot video. The answer is TikTok. This is when I decided while lying in bed that I would re-do all of my booktok videos. I logged in with my new number and something funny happened. I had hundreds of followers and the account was filled with info. Like the valet, I assumed it was a natural occurrence, uploaded my photo, and continued with my life. I couldn’t change the handle. It was my face, and name, with a handle that had never entered my lexicon before.
Like all great ideas, I got sleepy and gave up. I got up Monday morning and went to work like usual. While eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at my desk I wondered, as I often do, what my favorite content creator was up to. I hopped onto TikTok and reposted a few Nate videos. That’s when I had a moment to examine the site. It was an actual TikTok, someone had roamed this space before my arrival. If you clicked on the liked videos, you could see the change. It went from MMA fights, hip hop, and club videos to the most recent activity of the Tago, Booktok videos, and reviews of liquid multivitamins. The algorithms were very confused this afternoon. I thought nothing more of it and went back to work.
Lying in bed tonight reading “What Moves the Dead” and talking to Shannon I get a text message from the TikToker. Subconsciously I knew this was a possibility. I wanted to make sure it was legit, so I clicked on his Instagram profile and he had over 20,000 followers. He was distressed and wanted to know how I had gotten onto his TikTok. It started like this:
I went into information professional mode and I removed myself from the account and helped him get logged back in. It was pretty easy, but what I had to take time to do was remove the likes I had added.
This kid is now following about a dozen librarians, some museums, the greatest soccer player of all time and a Scorpion. 24 hours must seem like an eternity to the young without their social media account, but after handing the keys to the rightful owner, two thoughts crossed my mind: I doubt I’ll ever have hundreds of club followers reading my book reviews, and somewhere floating on TikTok will be a comment from his account that reads, “Horizon looks epic, I just rewatched Bull Durham the other night. I couldn’t ever get into it before, but Kevin Costner was handsome in that movie. I totally get it now.” For a day, I was flooded with videos of rizz in the club, but I doubt it will have the same effect as him ever coming across that Costner comment.
In the span of 72 hours I have used my phone more than I have in the past five years. Too lazy to fill out any information, I just connected it to my work email so that their duo authentication could do all the work. My phone works as a calculator, a camera, and a watch. Sometimes, it’s all you really need.